I used to think patience was something you either had or didn't.
I don't think that anymore.
I remember those times when my mother would call right when I was 100% enmeshed in something I was working on.
I'd answer warmly. It was always warm.
But while she talked, some part of me wanted to scream, "What?"
Just that.
Of course, I didn't say it.
I never would.
But that particular brand of silence? It's not the same as being patient.
Patience is calmness with nothing underneath it.
What I experienced was calm, but there was a rule underneath. And that rule? It says a good daughter doesn't sound tired or annoyed when her mother calls.
Which means every time I answered her warmly when I was busy or stressed or agitated about something, I wasn't managing my stress even though it might have sounded like I was.
That's the part that doesn't show up:
Not on a calendar.
Not in a client complaint.
Not in anything anyone else can see.
It's just a tightness in the belly and an ache between the shoulder blades.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that you should snap at your mother.
What I am saying is that put-on warmth can be costly.
If you want to understand why waiting until tonight, or the weekend, never actually works, the problem isn't patience. It's what put-on warmth costs your body while you're performing it.
If you recognize the cost of sounding fine when you're anything but, I wrote a free guide about why waiting until later doesn't help in the middle of the day. It's called Why You Never Have Time for the Things That Actually Help. It explains why the usual advice is so hard to use in the middle of a workday.
If you want to identify your own stress pattern afterward, the $27 Fast Desk Decoder is a separate, optional next step. It identifies your pattern and includes an audio reset for that pattern.
Written by Karen Bromberg | Fast Desk Reset™