You think you want the time off.
But you don't.
Not really.
I didn't.
I spent a whole week deep in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains years ago, and my mind was squarely on my desk and what I was not doing.
The worst part?
It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize it and admit it to myself.
Here's what's true.
You're not afraid of missing the break.
You're afraid of not being needed.
Let me show you what I mean.
You're away for a few days.
It's something your significant other planned.
Somewhere with a view.
A restaurant picked because you'd like it.
Vista with a gold sunset out the window.
Your phone in your lap under the table.
You told your clients you'd be gone.
You meant it.
Your goal is to disconnect.
Still, you keep checking your phone.
Stomach drops when you find the screen is blank, but not with relief.
You wonder, a blank screen is supposed to be a relief. Why isn't it?
Here's why.
You've built your identity out of being the responsible one, the one they call to put out the fire, the crisis, the thing only you can fix.
That's where you know exactly who you are.
There's no doubt when dealing with an emergency.
There's just the problem, which, when it comes to your clients, you know you can fix.
A quiet screen takes that away.
No one needs you.
And without someone needing you, all you are is a woman at a table.
So you keep checking.
Not because you're worried that something's wrong, but because you're hoping something is.
That's the part nobody admits, even to themselves.
You're not refreshing the screen out of duty.
You're doing it out of need.
Because the emergency is the only place you get to feel like yourself.
And this is why the vacation never works.
You think you're tired and the trip will fix it.
But the trip gives you the thing you can't tolerate -- hours where no one needs you.
The rest everyone prescribes assumes the problem is that you don't stop.
It isn't.
It's what happens when you do. The quiet and calm don't feel like rest but more like disappearing.
That's the cost.
That's what you pay instead of being present with the person you love at a restaurant with a view.
I know that dinner. I know what it costs to sit there wanting to be interrupted.
If nothing you've tried has made a difference in helping you stay present, the problem isn't effort. It's that you're solving for the wrong thing.
If time off doesn't feel like time off, I wrote a free guide about why the usual fixes don't fit the day you're actually living. It's called Why You Never Have Time for the Things That Actually Help. It explains why the usual advice is so hard to use in the middle of a workday.
If you want to identify your own stress pattern afterward, the $27 Fast Desk Decoder is a separate, optional next step. It identifies your pattern and includes an audio reset for that pattern.
Written by Karen Bromberg | Fast Desk Reset™